


Field of Words

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-02
Updated: 2014-01-20
Packaged: 2018-01-03 05:42:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1066493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren, because of a childhood misfortune, is a mute. He refuses to talk to even friends or family. It doesn’t help that he upset a man who demands an apology. But what happens when said man wants more than an apology? What will happen once things start getting serious between the two strangers?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I’ll Create a Story Without Words

The grass grows tall here, probably because the old man who owned the property died awhile back. But it's ok, the tall grasses bothered no one, in fact it housed many animals and attracted many thinkers.

That's what I had to convince myself, the only reason I'm here is because I came to think. I didn't come here because I got angry with my sister and I rushed out, not caring where I was going or who I ran into, because it simply didn't matter.

I wasn't wanted, to simply put it. Oh don't get me wrong, my sister loves me dearly and I'm pretty sure my parents loved me throughout their short lives. But the fact is I'm a nuisance. I get in the way, and I don't think things through.

But Mikasa says most people my age are the same way. I would argue that, because if all people my age were like me than how come they are annoyed by me? I'm a special case, annoying, and idiotic, and not in the usual way.

It's ok though, I can sit in this field and think, like the other people who come here. I can listen to the sounds of life around me as I put mine on pause.

The rustling of the grass as the soothing spring winds disturb the tall stalks, and the birds chattering away about who knows, the only man made sound is that of the two people who walked passed me-almost tripped over me-as they talk about their future. It's almost too relaxing, my back to the ground and my head resting on the grass that I flattened.

Looking to the clouds, only because it's too early for stars, that's ok, because just like stars I can draw pictures from clouds, imagine a war between two kings. The large cloud to my left is the losing knight, kneeling before the other in a plea for mercy. Or maybe it's just simple, such as a rabbit meeting a frog.

I ran my hand across one of the blades of grass, not even flinching when I realized I had cut myself on it. I simply wiped the blood on my jeans and stuck my finger in my mouth. I wasn't going home because I cut myself on some grass.

I hadn't even realized I was crying. Was my life that bad? No, I had a home, a wonderful friend-who has friends I consider my own. The only thing that ever happened was the unfortunate incident with my parents. Something I refused to think or go over.

And something nobody was ever able to get out of me. No one but me remembers what happened to my parents five years ago. And I simply wished it could've been a peaceful winter's night. Which it wasn't, but the fact is I don't like recalling it. In fact I don't recalling anything.

I haven't spoken in five years. I've been silent ever since the incident, not only did it affect my speaking, but it effected how I viewed the world and life. People aren't to be trusted, regardless of whom they are. So speaking to someone or telling someone something will only backfire.

 

I hadn't even realized I'd fallen asleep, not until my eyes had opened and instead of a cloud littered blue sky. My eyes were met with a dark sky, dotted with the bright lights of stars.

"Oi, kid, you've been laying there for a pretty long time." Came a voice, I leaned my head back a bit to see if I could see anyone. Once I realized that was unsuccessful I sat up and turned around. He was short, wearing a pair of dark blue jeans that hugged his legs, a black shirt with some band name on it and the shoes I couldn't see. His hair parted above his right eye-my left but his right. His hair was dark. I didn't want to say black too soon, considering the dark sky could make dark brown hair look black. But his eyes were definitely a blue color.

"Well, it's good to see you aren't a dead body, which would've been a real hassle, having to call the cops and shit." The man spoke again, but this time moving to sit near me. I didn't move, obviously because if anyone was going to move it was going to be him because I sat here first and it was a great spot in my opinion.

"Not real talkative are you? That's fine. Great actually, I wish people did that more often. You know shut up and stuff." He went on. I was used to people doing that, it was amazing how people would begin talking to me only to start talking to themselves. They'd ramble on and on about this and that. I didn't mind at all. In fact sometimes I'd talk to them in my mind. Only imagining what their answers really would be.

"But yeah so he's a real ass, uh? Are you crying?" The man asked, breaking off from whatever he was going on about, turning towards me, and leaning forward slightly. I turned my face away. I didn't want anyone else to see me crying. That's why I came here, so I could be alone.

"No seriously are you ok?" He asked again, this time putting his hand on my shoulder. That was something I couldn't take, people touching me. If talking to someone was enough to get you killed in the long run, human contact was even worse. And instead of moving away, or gently removing his arm, I panicked, I hit him.

Oh god I hit him, and he did nothing but worry about me. I stood up, looking down as the man held his face, a string of curses fell from his mouth as he ran a hand under his nose to see if any blood could be found. There was none but the bruise he would have, he would find tomorrow morning.

"Look, I don't know if I did anything to offend you. But you didn't have to hit-oh ok yeah that hurts." He took in a sharp breath as he pressed down on the bridge of his nose.

"You know what, you clearly have something wrong, ok and I'm probably one of the few people who wouldn't call the police in a situation like this, so here's my number, text me, and you can tell me you're sorry face to face some other time ok?" The man offered, his voice not angry, but it wasn't exactly friendly either. He pulled out a crumbled piece of paper from his pocket and pen from the other and jotted down his number before quickly handing it to me and starting to walk away.

I looked at the number and the name that he wrote beside it. His name was Levi. I wasn't sure if I would actually text him or not. I didn't bother with my phone much. The only reason I even had the device was because Mikasa insisted on it.

But I shoved the paper into the pockets of my own jeans. I brushed off the little bits of grass that clung to me and I made my way home.

On the way home I counted each lamp post that I encountered, which was only thirteen. When I stepped inside the small one story house I was glad to see that Mikasa had gone out, leaving the house to me.

She left a soda can on the living room table, but I'd rather her pick it up later than pick it up now. I turned on the TV, not really paying attention to what's on. But instead I used it as background noise as I began to sketch.

I didn't care what I was sketching I normally didn't know what I was sketching until after sketching it. Though after a few minutes I realized there was something I did want to draw.

And after a few minutes he was there in my sketch book. Levi, him sitting with his legs crossed looking up at the stars. He looked sad somewhat.  
Maybe it was something I subconsciously did, but it was only his eyes that gave any clue that he was sad. His mouth was curled slightly in a smile. Something that made me smile I looked at the paper.

"Eren, I'm back, sorry I yelled at you. But hey I got those chips you like the salt and pepper ones." Mikasa announced as she walked down setting down a bag of groceries on the small kitchen table. I could hear every move she made, as she grabbed items out of the paper bag and moved them to their place in our kitchen. But then I didn't hear anything. Just a long pause before I heard a sigh and the sound of a door being slammed shut.

It wasn't her fault I didn't talk. No matter how much she blames herself. It was my choice, or rather my fear. I closed the sketch book and placed it on the living room table next to the empty soda can. And I walked to the bathroom.

I looked at myself, I always do. Making sure I picked out ever imperfection and flaw. My dark brown hair was too messy, my green eyes too big, my eyebrows made me look angry, but perhaps I was. I decided I'd save the shower for the morning before washing my face and brushing my teeth. And for a quick moment I thought about sleeping in the bathtub. Only because I knew Mikasa would want to see me in the morning and would probably walk into my room and wake me up. But it was probably cold so I picked my bed instead.

My room was normal. It had a bed, a desk, a nightstand, and a closet. I removed the clothes I wore out and simply plopped onto my bed. I soon adjusted myself to make putting the comforter over me easier.

 

"Who is this?" She asks holding the book in front of me. Her eyes betrayed her calm voice. I knew if I told her he was a man I met in a field she'd simply go rambling on about how it's not safe to meet strangers. But maybe that's what I wanted. I wanted her to worry.

I thought for a moment before retrieving my pants from the previous day and pulling out the piece of paper and showing it to her.

But she didn't say anything. She just nodded and left me alone. I heard the front door open and slam shut.

I drove her away. I do that a lot. And one day I fear she won't come back. She’ll get annoyed, so annoyed that she’ll buy another house or perhaps move in with a friend. She knew I could take care of myself. I wasn’t a child, even though I acted like one.

I looked at the number. And I thought about texting him. But I decided against it. Instead, I went to take a shower. But it was more or less of me standing in the overly warm streams of water and thinking about Levi.

Once the name was in my head I pictured him, his dark hair, his blue eyes that seemed gray, and his seemingly perfect skin.   
I did something I regret doing. I slid my hand down my body, touching that once place on my body and closing my eyes, as I thought of him. I thought of him touching me in places that drove me wild. 

I won’t be calling or texting Levi. I won’t be going back to the field either, because if I keep seeing him I know I’ll keep having these thoughts. I’ve only met him once, yet I’ve already grown an attachment to him. I don’t want to admit it, but I have.

Mikasa came home an hour after I finished my shower. She repeated over and over about how sorry she was and how it wasn’t her place to say anything.   
“I’m sorry Eren.” She murmured, holding me tightly, “I’ll never runaway again. It’s a promise.”Finally letting go of me, she looked at me, searching for some type of response.   
Will you be seeing him again?” She asked, and I shook my head, I wouldn’t ever see Levi again. She let out a sigh of relief and moved into the living room, me following to sit next to her on the couch. But she stood up and looked around awkwardly. 

“So do you want to see a movie? We got time to kill.” She offered, but I shook my head. She looked defeated. I knew she thought that I was mad at her. Which I wasn’t, I understood that she was just worried about me, being her only brother and remaining family. It made sense for her to when I’ve met a complete stranger in the middle of a field. So of course I knew she had nothing to be sorry about. 

With that she left. She said even though I didn’t want to see a movie, she did, and that she’d be back before four.  
“Armin will come by so you won’t be alone.” She said before closing the door. Armin is my childhood friend from way before the incident. He tries his hardest to get me to speak. The farthest he’s ever got was getting me to write in a notebook. 

It wasn’t until noon that I heard the soft knocks at the door. 

“Eren, hey, I figured that we could take a walk, what do you say?” Armin offered, receiving a slight nod from me before I went to grab a jacket and my shoes.

I didn’t realize where we were going until it was too late. We strolled through the field. Armin tripped several times trying to walk through the tall grass, yet continuously asked me yes or no questions about my life and how I was doing. 

“Oi, kid-oh.” The familiar voice of the man from the night before called out, and made me stop, and he too stopped when he noticed Armin. He seemed to be examining Armin inside and out with a glare that could probably kill a man.

“You never called, I still want that apology.” He continued once he was satisfied with his examination, and pointing to the discoloring on the bridge of his nose. 

Though of course I said absolutely nothing and just proceeded to stare, and for a while all three of us did. Armin was too shy to speak up to a stranger and simply hid behind me like he always did.

“You aren’t going to say anything? Jesus fuck people are rude” He his voice rose clearly filled with anger and impatience.

“Eren is mute.” Armin finally piped up, earning a glance from Levi who looked somewhat surprised.  
“  
Eren…well that certainly explains things.” He murmured to himself, and then met my eyes. “But can’t you write it down or something?

I thought for a moment before shrugging my shoulders and looking down at my feet, taking a sudden interest in the busy ant hill not too far away.

“Fine, I’ll take that as an ‘I’m sorry.’” He said with an irritated sigh. “But just so you know, I’m not giving up on you.” He then turned around and made his way back to where he was going. He only looks back once to give me a glare.

“What does he mean ‘I’m not giving up on you?’?” Armin asked, not taking his eyes off the man who was walking away.

I wanted to know the same thing. Maybe I’d come to the field more often. I walked home with Armin, listening as the other as he went on about a guy from school, Jean or something I didn’t bother to really take in Armin’s words.

I only counted three lampposts on my way home. Maybe I was distracted by my love struck mind, or perhaps I was too busy ignoring Armin. 

Once home Mikasa asked of Armin would be spending the night, to which Armin stated that his grandfather expected him home by dinner and couldn’t. I on the other hand had no plans for dinner, and instead walked quickly and quietly to my room and plopped down onto my bed. 

I reached over to my nightstand, searching for the small journal I kept there and grabbed the pencil that was kept beside it. 

I opened the journal to the first page. The only thing written in it was my name, at the top right hand corner not in my own handwriting. I was given this book in hopes that maybe it would open me up. Maybe I’d put things in the journal that would help me. But I never used it. 

But tonight I did. Tonight I wanted to write down what I was feeling. 

“November 3rd, 2013

Yesterday I met Levi. He has really dark hair, probably black. He had blue eyes that look gray. His features would tell someone that he is an unapproachable man. He doesn’t seem to smile much, and complains a lot, from what I can tell. Maybe it’s just because I’ve only met him twice. He gave me his phone number. He gave it to me because I punched him and he wanted me to apologize. But something in his tone tells me that wasn’t the only reason Levi gave me his number.  
So, Sorry Levi, and I kind of hope we see each other again.”

I reread my journal entry twice before stashing it in my nightstand drawer. Tomorrow I would have school. But instead of going straight home afterwards, I think I’m going to walk by the field. Just to study the cloud again.


	2. You'll Have Trouble Understanding

Touching tall grass and shuffling through the stalks as, unfortunate bugs panicked to gather food before the winter’s cold days began. I, no different, was panicked. Not because I feared hungry and cold nights, but because I feared myself. Fearing that my hands would do damage to my already tired and aching body, fearing that they would grab the cold blade that rested in my pants pocket. 

Unlike the small creatures that scurried across the dirt, my body was calm, walking slowly through the grass as it parted and fell before me. Though, just like them, my mind raced. Thoughts flashing through my mind, memories laughing at me every time I blinked, words big and bold projected on an imaginary screen. 

They progressed, getting worse and worse, words that have never even been used to describe me where appearing, words and phrases I made on my own. My breath quickened as I struggled to find some sort of relief, an escape from my own mind. Even my body, which had stayed relatively calm throughout the beginning of my panic, gave in. I was sprinting through the grass, stumbling on unseen rocks and grass that stood too tall and too strong. I was trying to run away from myself. I was fighting between ending it all, and finding ways to calm down. 

I needed to calm down, but I couldn’t. My mind wouldn’t listen to reason as I told myself that such words and memories could no longer hurt me. I could feel my eyes watering and my chest tightening as I realized it wasn’t working. Breathing exercises were no match for my struggling gasps of air. And clean thoughts were nowhere to be found as the episode continued. 

I stripped myself of the jacket I wore, throwing it to the ground, and allowing the cold wind to sooth my skin. I began to calm a bit, taking in deep breaths and counting to one thousand. Everything was better. The world seemed to stop its spinning. 

I continued my walking, I felt clean, or empty. I couldn’t tell the two apart anymore. It was in my chest, the strange feeling. If I had to guess a shape it’d have to be a circle, not exactly on my heart, near my throat. 

I noticed the tall grass seemed to stop a bit up ahead. An animal or object was there, figuring had time to waste, I made it my goal to walk over there.

To my disappointment, it was neither an animal nor an object, it was a person. His face was stained with what I could tell were tears. I sat down next to him, trying to assess his reasoning for being here. Maybe he ran away from home, from someone? He certainly looked young enough to be a naïve runaway teenager.

Maybe he finally realized that yes, he did need the help of those who raised him to make a successful living. 

As the hours ticked on I decided I should probably wake the boy up, before someone with more vial intentions came along. 

"Oi, kid, you've been laying there for a pretty long time." I murmured, moving away from his face slightly, and giving him room to sit up and rub his eyes. 

They were bright, his eyes, a greenish color that seemed to glow in the night. After he got a good look at me I decided to continue to talk, seeing as he wasn’t getting up.

"Well, it's good to see you aren't a dead body, which would've been a real hassle, having to call the cops and shit." I tried to joke, something I had been told I was horrible at. Thinking maybe he couldn’t hear me I scooted a bit closer. 

"Not real talkative are you? That's fine. Great actually, I wish people did that more often. You know shut up and stuff." I tried again, looking down at my lap, before returning to him, hoping that he’d get defensive and say something like ‘I talk, just not to strangers’ just something.

Once again, no answer, so I took it upon myself to start talking about my day. How Hange had woke me up at three a.m. just to tell me that she had run out of coffee. How I couldn’t get back to sleep after that, so I decided to watch reruns of the Big Bang Theory, just because they were on the D.V.R. I then began to ramble on about how I didn’t have any milk for my cereal. The Line was too long at Starbucks. Some asshole was holding up the elevator. Traffic was bad as I got closer to work, anything and everything.

“Then Erwin, my boss, he told me I had to go all the way back downstairs to grab some stupid papers he left down there, But yeah so he’s a real ass.” I turned to see what the boy was doing when I noticed that he’d begun crying again.

“Are you crying?” I asked, leaning forward a bit to get a better look. “No seriously are you ok?” 

I went to grab his shoulder, thinking he was in some type of trance or something or the sorts, only to end up clutching my nose in pain. 

"Look, I don't know if I did anything to offend you. But you didn't have to hit-”I pinched the bridge of my nose, quickly removing my hand at the sharp pain it resulted in. “Ah-yeah-ok that hurts.”

I quickly stood up, backing up a bit before looking back at the boy. What the hell was his problem? All I did was ask him if he was crying, if he didn’t want me around he could’ve just told me to fuck off, but no this little shit decided to hit me right in the face.

"You know what, you clearly have something wrong, ok and I'm probably one of the few people who wouldn't call the police in a situation like this, so here's my number-“ I paused, grabbing a slip of paper I had crumbled up earlier in the day, and quickly scribbled down my number.

“Text me, and you can tell me you're sorry face to face some other time, ok?" I handed him the paper, not sure if he would actually take it, let alone actually text me. It wouldn’t even surprise me if he didn’t have a phone.

After the exchange I turned away, once again running my hand beneath my nose to see if it was bleeding, luckily there was none, so I focused on trying to remember which way my car was.

 

I found my car, but I was unable to get past the beast that stood in front of the driver’s side door. A huge brown dog sat in front of it, looking at me as if challenging me to move it.

“Look, I don’t have time for this. Don’t you have a cat to chase or something?” I groaned, moving my arms in a shooing motion in hopes the dog would just move. But no, the stupid mutt just stared at me.

“I said go! Leave!” I shouted, walking a bit closer, trying to scare the dog away. But it just yawned and laid its big ugly head on its paws.

I finally gave up on getting the dog to move, and figured I could just get into my car via the passenger’s door. 

But, as luck would have it, as soon as I opened the door the dog squeezed between me and the car and managed to get himself in my small car. 

“Oh come on, seriously?!” I yelled at the dog, who took his place in the back of my car. I had no problem with dogs. I had at least three growing up. But the fact was I didn’t know where this dog had been, what it had ate, or how well it was potty trained. 

“Ok, you know what? I’ll drive you to my house, but you are staying in the backyard, and as soon as the sun comes up I’m taking you to the nearest shelter.” I groaned, getting into the driver’s seat and starting the car.

“Oh, and if you have an accident in my car I will leave you on the side of the road.” I added, backing out of the spot and heading home.

The drive was surprisingly quiet, the dog was pretty well behaved, and I was beginning to suspect that it was some poor sap’s lost pet. But that issue could be solved by looking for lost dog signs and posting my own. 

“For the time being what should I call you? Max? Nah, that’s stupid. You know what. I’ll call you Recon, until I get you out of my life.” I told the dog, who if was indeed listening, didn’t show any sign of it. Finally pulling into my driveway I got out of the car and the dog followed me towards the door.

“Stay.” I said, before opening my door and going inside. I rummaged through my kitchen cabinets, searching for a bowl I could use. 

I found an old one and filled it up with water before walking out back and putting it on the patio. I opened the back gate and retrieved the dog. 

 

I regretted taking the dog, because as soon as I woke up the next morning, and went down stairs to get myself breakfast. I realized I wouldn’t be able to put him in a pound. The face he gave me as I walked into the kitchen made me feel bad for leaving him outside all night.

“Give me a moment and I’ll feed you, you’re lucky I have rice in the cabinet.” I murmured, figuring I’d make him some chicken and rice, and for myself cereal.

I’d take pictures of him later and post them around where I found him, and around where I live, If no one calls by tomorrow I’d take him to the vet, and if no one calls, then I’d have to figure out what to do with him.

I had the room for a dog. I just lacked the patience and time for one. Not to mention the money I’d have to set aside for him. Vet expenses, kennel expenses, food, toys, the whole thing seemed a bit too much for me. 

I let the food cool before opening the door and placing it on the patio. I closed the door and poured my own cereal before remembering that I still had no milk. 

I decided to check my phone to see of the boy from the last night had called, but of course the only messages I had were a bunch of unnecessary ‘good morning’s’ from Hange.

I wondered if the boy even remembered I gave him the number. Left it in his pants pocket and threw them into the wash without thinking. Or perhaps just threw the piece of paper away as soon as he got the chance.

I wouldn’t blame him, I mean if I was in his position I would’ve laughed in the other guys face, I mean that’s what I do to Erwin, in the most respectful way.

 

As soon as I got dressed I took a couple of pictures of the dog, which all came out in very poor quality, but I figured if you’re looking for your dog you’d probably look at the photos carefully, and if it looked like your dog enough you’d call anyway.

I took the dog with me, after Hange came over, and saw the dog she insisted on buying a whole crap load of dog supplies. Even though I told her I wasn’t going to keep it.

I went the whole day without any success, no one who walked by seemed to recognize the dog. So I headed back home, finding that Hange was still inside watching TV.

“Can you stop recording things on my TV? Can’t you do that at your house?” I asked, unleashing the large fluffy animal, and walking towards the living room.

“Yeah but I spend most of my time at your house, so it’s better this way.”

“All you do is watch TV”

“That’s why I record my programs here. Besides, I noticed you already watched the latest Big Bang Theory.” She giggled, before reaching for her bowl of popcorn.

“What did I tell you about eating in the living room Hange? You’ll get crumbs everywhere.” I scolded, pushing her feet off the coffee table and grabbing the bowl.

“Well, I assumed the rules were on pause for awhile considering the beast you brought back to your castle probably sheds twenty-four seven. “ She argued, pointing to the dog.

“God, you know what, whatever, just watch the dog for me. I’ll be back in about two hours. I hope you’re watching TV in your own home.

She simply shrugged and took the bowl back from me, before turning around and calling the dog over to the couch.

“Do not let it sit on the couch! It’s a white couch that thing is brown the fur, the fur Hange!” I yelled as I walked out the door, knowing full well that she wouldn’t listen to me.

 

When I finally arrived, I got out of my car, walking in the shallow grasses. It wasn’t until the grass stalks reached my thighs that I stopped walking and noticed somebody.

“Oi, kid-oh.” I noticed another boy walking with him, he looked about the same age, though much scrawnier. He was a blond, blue eye, maybe that’s what this kid was into. Maybe that’s why he didn’t pay any attention to me.

“You never called, I still want that apology.” As soon as I spoke, the blond hid behind the boy. I nearly laughed at how easily he was spooked, but I was too focused on trying to get this kid to speak.

“You aren’t going to say anything? Jesus fuck people are rude” I didn’t realize that this situation was making me angry. All I wanted was a simple ‘I’m sorry’ or even a ‘fuck you’ would be acceptable at this point. 

“Eren is mute.” The smaller one finally piped up, I didn’t really register the full sentence at first, taking a moment to take in the name I was given to work with.

“Eren…” I murmured out loud without realizing it, and then when I finally processed the rest of the sentence. “Well that certainly explains things.” 

“But can’t you like write it down or something?” I asked his only response to that was the shrug of his shoulders, which was a lot more of a response than anything else he’d done.  
“Fine, I’ll take that as an ‘I’m sorry.’” I finally sighed, turning around to leave, before turning back once. “But just so you know, I’m not giving up on you.” I added, making my way back to my car.

To be truthful, I wouldn’t, I was going to make it my goal to get him to talk. I wouldn’t pressure him at all. But I would put time and effort into making him comfortable around me. I would try everything within my power to get him just to say simple things like hello, or to even just nod. 

I sat in my car for awhile, thinking about how I would do this. No doubt it would be challenging in many aspects. But I’d worry about that later.

As for now I had dog food to buy, and a vet appointment to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terribly sorry for the long wait. I got distracted, and kept on pushing it back. I can promise you that the remaining chapters will not take as long.

**Author's Note:**

> Ah gosh ok, so this was ready to be posted weeks ago but I'm lazy and crap and I didn't even bother to read it over. Hopefully it turned out ok, and I do plan on continuing it.


End file.
